Nightly Musings
by fierysuzaku
Summary: After Ciel died, she was asked if she was all right almost every night. And she almost always answered the same thing.


When he died, they expected her to grieve and she did.

She had shed her tears.

She had her days locked within her room with nothing but tears and memories to keep her company.

What they did _not_ expect was for her to move on so quickly.

It happened after mere months since his disappearance. She had shed off the black dress and donned her usual bright attire –lace and ribbons.

She was smiling again. For real this time.

Laughing.

Dancing.

Living life to the fullest.

* * *

"My lady…"

She pauses.

Emerald eyes landed upon the bowing girl.

"Yes Paula?"

"Your mother says that it is time to head home now."

"Oh." Disappointment tinged the tone as her pink lips blossomed into a pout before she faced her dance partner and bid goodbye.

A wan smile graced she lips as the man bowed in turn. She almost hoped for a quick kiss on the hand.

* * *

"Elizabeth."

"Mother."

There was a brief pause. Their eyes met and she saw the familiar mask of worry casted against her mother's severe features.

"Are you all right?" The usually hard face softened –a face shown only to those closest to her mother could see.

The question was no surprise.

She had heard it time and time again and she always said the same thing except for that _one_ time when she broke down and cried her heart out on her mother's lap.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Her mother was doubtful with her quick recovery, everyone was and she cannot blame them. After all, it's not every day your fiancé disappears and most presumably die. But for some inane reason her passage of grief was quick, the sense of sadness was still there, but it only remained within her periphery.

Looming and silent. Ready to strike with a crashing mix of memories and tears.

Tears that she had shed far _too much_ of.

She wasn't as naive and innocent as they thought. She _wished_ she, was but she was not. That dance between them held a finality she wasn't able to quite fully place.

_It was as if he was saying goodbye._

Forever.

So when the notes came. Informing everyone of his death, disbelief had set within her like a heavy anchor.

_I just danced with him moments ago. How can he be dead?_

She was blinded. The world was nothing but a watery blur, it took all her restraint and sanity as she resisted the urge to rip and destroy everything in her path. She was angry, angry not because he is dead, no, but because he didn't have the gall to at least give her the truth.

_Don't I deserve __**at least**__ that Ciel._

She vaguely recalled herself running towards his estate, slamming her wild angry fists at the heavy doors only to be stopped by the sight of his entire household cloaked in sullen grief.

It was then she _truly_ understood. He was gone.

Not dead. But _gone_.

"Elizabeth?" the unusually concerned tone roused her out from her musings.

"I'm fine, mother. _Really_," she stressed looking up to meet the doubtful eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"I will be fine," she rephrased, reaching out to give her mother's hands a reassuring squeeze before excusing herself to her room.

They'll talk about it once more. She's sure. But for some reason, she never grew annoyed with the questions. It meant that they cared. They understood the depths of her emotion towards him and didn't insult it by placing it into the categories of a schoolgirl's infatuation.

It wasn't.

It was probably _at first_ but it had grown, changed into something more.

Something more solid and enduring.

And now, after what seemed to be years of darkness and grief she had finally decided to move on – bit by bit she'll let go.

Yes, she loved him.

Perhaps even _still_ love him. Ever since her youth, she had conditioned herself to be a cute little lady, desired herself to be the perfect lady for him.

Innocent.

Happy.

Full of lace and ribbons.

She was to be his sanctuary. She was supposed to be one he comes back from the world drenched in shadows and blood.

_But some things aren't meant to be. Right Ciel?_

She released a sigh. Maybe, she still wasn't quite ready to bid her past goodbye completely. A part of her, a desperate ugly part of her still wants him. A part of her that is willing to give _everything_ for the sake of his return.

May it be her heart.

Her body.

Even her immortal _soul_.

She was willing to give. To sacrifice.

_No! _

She berated herself. The temptations have weakened over the passage of time but sometimes whenever she was faced with the fullness of the moon and the creeping dark silence, she wonders.

_If such a dark prayer were to be spoken, would a demon dare claim to such a desperate plea? _

_No._

A bitter smile. A smile not befitting of her laced her lips. It was his choice to leave her out of the darkness and no matter how willing she was to taint herself and follow him into the shadows, she could not, _would not_ dishonor that last wish.

_For you, I will remain to be your Lizzie._

Happy.

Smiling.

Full of lace and ribbons.

But no longer innocent.

_I was never innocent to begin with. I had my own shadows but I guess they're nothing as compared to yours. _

She smirked, amused at the thought of even comparing her petty troubles with his. Her silent gaze strayed upon the open window, her emerald eyes caught the mesmerizing fullness of the moon as it casted its silver glow over the land. The gentle whisper of the breeze rustled the trees of the garden below, giving the night a rather strange air.

She took a breath of calm before her words slipped into the darkness.

"I do not know where you are but please hear this. I love you. I will always love you. But I can't love you like this forever. I'll have to let you go. Completely. I won't wait for you Ciel Phantomhive," she whispered into the night as twin tears fell from her eyes.

"Goodbye, Ciel."

_**"Goodbye, Lizze."**_

A mere whisper never heard, muffled by the blowing breeze and faint rustling. The demon boy stood witness to the last of the tears she'll probably ever shed for him.

* * *

**-END-**

A/N: Hello, everyone. Thank you for taking the time to read this piece, I know Ciel x Elizabeth isn't the most popular of pairing so I'm glad this story has caught your interest. I've unearthed this piece while I was cleaning up my files, I actually forgot I've written a Kuroshitsuji draft and left it unfinished for ages... but I'm glad I've managed to finish this one.

I hope I was able to portray Elizabeth correctly or at least not too OC, I've based her personality on the manga, which I think projects a better and more in-depth image of her than the anime. But I did use the events of the anime as my setting in the story.

Reviews would be lovely. ^_^


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